When Is the Best Time to Get a Divorce?

Divorce is a major life decision that often brings a sense of relief, but also a significant amount of stress, confusion, and uncertainty. For those contemplating the end of a marriage, one of the most common questions is: When is the best time to get a divorce? The answer is rarely straightforward, as it depends on personal circumstances, emotions, financial stability, and many other factors.

While there may never be a “perfect” time to divorce, certain times and conditions may make the process easier or more manageable. In this article, we’ll explore key factors to consider when deciding the best time for divorce, and how to approach the situation with a clear, level-headed perspective.

1. When You Are Emotionally Ready

The emotional readiness to divorce is one of the most critical factors in deciding when to end a marriage. Divorce is not just a legal process—it’s an emotional one, and rushing into it without taking time to process your feelings can lead to regrets later on.

Signs You Might Be Emotionally Ready:

• You’ve tried to resolve issues: Before considering divorce, you should ideally have made efforts to repair your marriage through communication, therapy, or counseling. If you’ve tried and still feel that your relationship is beyond repair, it may be time to move forward.

• You’ve accepted that it’s over: Emotional readiness involves acceptance. If you no longer feel connected to your spouse, or the thought of staying in the marriage causes more pain than relief, it could be an indication that it’s time to end things.

• You can envision a life apart: If you can imagine a future where you’re happy, fulfilled, and independent without your spouse, that’s a strong sign that you’re emotionally ready to take the next step.

2. When Your Children Are in a Stable Phase

If you have children, their well-being is likely a major concern when considering divorce. While there’s no “ideal” time for children, there are certain stages in their development when they might handle the divorce process more smoothly. That being said, many parents remain in unhappy marriages for years to avoid disrupting their children’s lives, but staying together for the sake of the kids can sometimes cause more harm than good.

Key Considerations:

• Children Under 5: Very young children may not fully understand what divorce means, but they can still sense tension and emotional distress. If the marriage is high-conflict or toxic, it may be healthier for them in the long run if you separate sooner rather than later.

• School-Aged Children (6-12): Children at this age are likely to be more impacted by the changes that come with divorce, including moving homes, splitting time between parents, and dealing with the emotional fallout. However, they are also better able to understand and process what’s happening with age-appropriate explanations.

• Teenagers: Teenagers often have a more complex emotional reaction to divorce. While they may seem more independent, they are also more sensitive to family dynamics and peer pressures. That said, teens may also be able to better adapt if the divorce is handled maturely and both parents maintain a cooperative co-parenting relationship.

Ultimately, you should choose a time for divorce when you believe your children will be able to adapt to the situation with as little disruption as possible, and when both you and your spouse are ready to ensure a smooth transition.

3. When Financial Stability Is in Place

Divorce can be financially challenging, and it’s important to consider whether you are financially prepared for the division of assets, potential alimony, child support, and the overall costs of living separately. Rushing into a divorce without having a clear understanding of your financial situation can lead to long-term struggles.

Key Financial Considerations:

• Secure Your Own Finances: Before filing for divorce, make sure you have access to your own bank accounts, credit, and a solid understanding of your household’s financial situation. This includes knowledge of debts, assets, retirement accounts, and any potential future financial needs.

• Legal and Divorce Costs: Divorce often requires legal counsel, and the process can be expensive depending on the complexity of your case. Make sure you’re financially able to cover these costs, or discuss options like legal aid if needed.

• Budgeting for Life After Divorce: Take time to consider how your financial situation will change post-divorce. This includes planning for things like housing, childcare, health insurance, and any other expenses that will become part of your new reality.

If you’re not financially stable, it might be worth waiting until you have a clear plan for your financial future, or seeking advice from a financial advisor to help guide you through the process.

4. When You’ve Exhausted Other Options

Divorce is often seen as a last resort, and many couples go through therapy or attempt various forms of reconciliation before making the decision to divorce. If you have already explored other avenues and find that the relationship is still unrepairable, it may be time to move forward.

Exhausting Other Options Includes:

• Marriage Counseling or Therapy: Counseling is a valuable tool for addressing relationship problems. If you and your spouse have attended therapy and it hasn’t resulted in meaningful change, it might be a signal that divorce is the next step.

• Open Communication: Sometimes, couples fail to communicate their needs effectively, and this can lead to unresolved issues. If you’ve had honest, direct conversations about your relationship and there’s no indication of progress, it may be time to accept that a divorce is necessary.

• Separating Temporarily: Some couples choose a trial separation as a way to evaluate whether they want to stay married. If after a separation, you still feel unhappy or disconnected, divorce may be the natural next step.

5. When You Are Physically and Mentally Prepared for the Process

Divorce can be exhausting both physically and mentally. The process of legal proceedings, managing logistics, and adjusting to life post-divorce can be taxing. It’s important to ensure that you are both mentally and physically ready to go through this significant life change.

Signs of Mental and Physical Readiness:

• Self-Care: If you are already taking care of your own mental and physical health, including eating well, exercising, and managing stress, you’re in a stronger position to handle the emotional toll of divorce.

• Support System: Having a strong support system—whether it’s family, friends, or a therapist—can make the divorce process much smoother. Ensure that you have people around you who can offer guidance, encouragement, and a listening ear.

• Time to Focus on the Process: Divorce is a time-consuming process, requiring attention to legal paperwork, financial matters, and family decisions. Make sure you are in a position to dedicate the necessary time and energy to manage these responsibilities.

Conclusion: There’s No “Perfect” Time, But Timing Is Crucial

While there may never be an ideal or “perfect” time to get a divorce, there are certain factors and conditions that can help make the process smoother and more manageable. Emotionally, financially, and mentally preparing yourself—and ensuring your children are supported—can go a long way in making the transition easier.

Ultimately, the best time to get a divorce is when you have taken the time to reflect, understand the consequences, and feel confident that it’s the right step for you. Divorce is a difficult decision, but in some cases, it can lead to a healthier, happier future for both you and your family.

TO SPEAK WITH AN EXPERIENCED NEW HAMPSHIRE DIVORCE ATTORNEY CALL FAMILY LEGAL SERVICES, P.C. AT (603) 225-1114.

Jeffrey A. Runge, Esquire

Family Legal Services, P.C.

141 Airport Road

Concord, NH 03301

(603) 225-1135