What Is the Best Attitude to Approach a Divorce?
Divorce is often seen as one of the most emotionally challenging experiences a person can go through. Whether the decision to divorce is mutual or the result of a difficult series of events, the emotional toll can be immense. However, approaching divorce with the right attitude can not only help you navigate the process more smoothly but can also lay the groundwork for healing and moving forward. In this article, we’ll explore the best attitude to adopt when facing divorce, one that prioritizes emotional well-being, self-awareness, and long-term growth.
1. Acceptance and Realism
One of the most important attitudes to adopt when going through a divorce is acceptance. It’s easy to get lost in feelings of anger, guilt, or resentment, but accepting that the marriage has ended can be a crucial step in moving forward. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything that happened or that you no longer care about the other person. Instead, it means acknowledging the reality of the situation and understanding that both parties have reached a point where separation is necessary.
Being realistic about what lies ahead is equally important. Divorce isn’t just an emotional journey—it’s also a logistical and legal one. Expect the process to take time, require patience, and sometimes involve compromises. Having a clear understanding of the emotional and practical challenges ahead will help you approach the situation with a level-headed mindset, reducing stress and avoiding unrealistic expectations.
2. Embrace Emotional Self-Care
Divorce can stir up a storm of emotions—grief, anger, confusion, and even relief. It’s essential to give yourself permission to feel all these emotions, but it’s equally important to manage them constructively. Embracing emotional self-care means acknowledging your feelings without letting them completely dictate your actions. Here are a few ways to practice emotional self-care during a divorce:
• Seek Support: Surround yourself with a support system of friends, family, or a therapist. Talking about your emotions can help process them in a healthy way and provide you with a sense of connection during an isolating time.
• Prioritize Your Well-Being: Take time to rest, exercise, eat well, and engage in activities that bring you joy. Divorce can be mentally and physically draining, so caring for your body and mind is critical.
• Set Boundaries: Protect yourself emotionally by setting healthy boundaries with your ex, especially if the divorce is contentious. Limiting unnecessary communication and focusing on your own needs can help prevent emotional overwhelm.
3. Focus on the Future, Not the Past
While it’s natural to reflect on your marriage, one of the most empowering attitudes to adopt during a divorce is to focus on the future. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, shift your attention to what you want in the next chapter of your life. This forward-thinking mindset can help you start rebuilding and rediscovering yourself.
• Set Personal Goals: Think about what you want for your future in terms of personal growth, career, relationships, and health. Setting goals and making plans for the future can provide a sense of purpose and direction during this transitional period.
• Learn and Grow: Divorce is an opportunity to reflect on your role in the marriage and learn from the experience. Self-reflection can offer valuable insights into your emotional needs, communication style, and desires for future relationships.
• Embrace New Possibilities: A divorce can be a gateway to new opportunities and experiences. Embrace the possibility of new relationships, hobbies, travel, or career changes that can enrich your life.
4. Practice Patience and Resilience
Divorce can feel overwhelming, and the process can take time—sometimes longer than you anticipate. Practicing patience and cultivating resilience will help you weather the emotional storms and uncertainties along the way.
• Patience with the Process: The legal and logistical aspects of a divorce can be slow and frustrating. It’s important to remain patient and not rush decisions, especially when it comes to financial settlements, custody arrangements, or major life changes. Rushed decisions can lead to regret later on.
• Embrace Resilience: Resilience doesn’t mean you won’t feel down at times, but rather that you have the ability to bounce back from setbacks. Divorce is a challenge, but by embracing your inner strength and finding ways to persevere, you’ll come out of it more capable of handling future difficulties.
5. Approach the Situation with Compassion and Understanding
If children are involved, maintaining a compassionate and cooperative attitude toward your ex can make a significant difference in minimizing the emotional impact on them. Even if the divorce is contentious, approaching the situation with understanding can help reduce tension and create a healthier environment for all parties.
• Co-Parenting Mindset: If you’re co-parenting, approach the situation with an emphasis on what’s best for your children. Focus on open, respectful communication and collaboration with your ex to ensure the kids feel supported, loved, and stable throughout the transition.
• Let Go of Blame: While it’s normal to feel hurt or betrayed, holding onto blame can trap you in negative emotions and delay healing. Release the need to assign fault to one person; instead, focus on understanding that both parties likely contributed to the relationship’s breakdown in different ways.
• Forgiveness, for Your Peace of Mind: This doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened, but forgiving your ex and yourself can lift the heavy burden of resentment. By letting go of anger, you free yourself to move forward without the weight of emotional baggage.
6. Seek Professional Guidance
Having the right guidance throughout the divorce process can help you make informed decisions and avoid unnecessary stress. Divorce lawyers, financial advisors, and mental health professionals can offer advice and support that makes the process smoother.
• Legal Counsel: A skilled divorce attorney can help ensure that your rights are protected and that the divorce process proceeds efficiently. Make sure to choose a lawyer who understands your needs and priorities.
• Therapy or Counseling: A therapist can help you process the emotional side of the divorce, while also teaching you coping strategies and helping you build emotional resilience. Therapy is particularly useful if you’re struggling with feelings of depression, anger, or confusion.
• Financial Planning: Divorce often involves significant financial changes. A financial advisor can help you navigate the division of assets, child support, alimony, and budgeting for your post-divorce life.
7. Let Go of the Need for Revenge or Retaliation
Divorce is often a time when emotions run high, and the desire for revenge or retaliation can feel overwhelming, especially if there’s been betrayal or hurt. However, holding onto these feelings will only prolong your pain and hinder your ability to move on. The best attitude is to let go of these negative impulses and focus on what’s best for your own healing.
• Avoid Conflict: If possible, avoid getting involved in petty arguments or behaviors that escalate conflict. This can make the divorce process more difficult and emotionally exhausting.
• Rise Above: Instead of sinking into a mindset of revenge, choose to rise above the situation. By taking the high road, you’ll maintain your dignity and emotional well-being, and set a positive example for others in your life.
Conclusion
Divorce is undeniably difficult, but the attitude you bring to the process can have a profound impact on your recovery and future happiness. Embrace acceptance, patience, and self-compassion, focus on the future, and surround yourself with the right support. By approaching the end of your marriage with resilience and emotional intelligence, you create space for healing, growth, and the exciting opportunities that lie ahead.
TO SPEAK WITH AN EXPERIENCED NEW HAMPSHIRE DIVORCE ATTORNEY, PLEASE CONTACT FAMILY LEGAL SERVICES, P.C. AT (603) 225-1114.
Jeffrey A. Runge, Esquire
Family Legal Services, P.C.
141 Airport Road
Concord, NH 03301
(603) 225-1135
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